SANTA;S BOZO OF THE YEAR FOR 2014!

Dec. 18, 2014  By Jack Jodell.    

Hard to believe, but once again it’s almost Christmas. Santa had to hire a part-time, undocumented elf this year to help him sort through the record number of more-than-deserving possibilities for his annual Bozo of the Year Award. You may recall that each year at this time, Santa gives an award to the one person or group whose antics during the past year were either so foolish, outrageous, or disgraceful that they deserve almost universal ridicule and scorn from everybody else.

(Past recipients have included:
2013 – The 113th Congress of the United States                                                             2012 – Ex- Hostess Brands, Inc. CEO Gregory J. Rayburn and his entire                           executive board
2011 – the entire Republican congressional caucus
2010 –   the ridiculous and annoying Phillips “Colon Lady”
2009 – Richard Heinke, the knobhead who faked sending his young son up                    in a supposedly runaway hot air balloon
2008 – disgraced Democratic former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich.)

  Santa struggled so long and hard over this year’s list, in fact, that he and his elves were barely able to get his sleigh loaded up in time for his ride on Christnas Eve to distribute a gift to all the good little girls and boys across the whole world! But, Santa somehow prevailed, as he always seems to do, so here is a peek at how he ranked this year’s prospective batch:

HARDLY WORTH MENTIONING AT ALL goes to Republican Congressman DARRELL ISSA for completely wasting taxpayer money on worthless hearings and investigations which yielded absolutely nothing! Santa will give the gift of a parrot for every room in Issa’s home, plus one for his congressional office. As a special added gift, Santa has taught each of these birds to squawk each hour, around the clock in unison,  “AWWWKKK – BENGHAZI!” alternately with “POLLY WANTS A STOLEN CAR – AWWWKKK!” Hopefully, this goof will eventually get the message and end his obsession with grandstanding worthless investigations…

DISHONORABLE MENTION goes to the Democratic voters who omitted   voting in this year’s midterm elections. Santa was flabbergasted that so many of you lazily stayed home and neglected to cast a ballot. Your neglectful irresponsibility has led directly to a Tea Party-infested Republican Party capture of control in the U.S. Senate, and Santa is fuming about that! Santa will give each of you the gift of a daily Tea Party robocall – a plague that will continue  until election day, 2016! 

Another DISHONORABLE MENTION goes to the outgoing Democratic Senate Majority Leader HARRY REID, whose limp-wristed, uninspiring, mild-mannered approach did little to benefit or advance progressive causes in the Senate. This former boxer allowed the odious Mitch McConnell to box his ears in and replace him as the new, Republican Senate Majority Leader. Santa will leave Reid alone, to massage those cauliflower ears of his in silence, all by himself, for the remainder of his term in the Senate. 

3rd  RUNNER UP goes to that grandstanding, self-centered egomaniac Texas Republican Senator TED CRUZ. Santa doesn’t cotton much to government-hating showboaters like this repugnant Teabagger, who masterminded a government shutdown once and now threatens to engineer another one once Republicans take control of the  Senate in January. Santa’s gift to this sneaky Teabagger will be massive primary defeats in his bid for the 2016 Republican nomination for President. ‘Nuff said!

2ND RUNNER UP goes to Teabagger / Libertarian / Republican Senator RAND PAUL, who wants to become President so much that he will twist himself in any direction on any issue it will take to ensure he will appeal to, or at least deliberately confuse, as many voters as he can to get their vote. Santa’s gift to this double-talking shape shifter will be a giant laxative-filled pretzel, so that after eating it, this numbskull will soon realize what all his twisting and turning will reveal to him what he is actually full of!  

RUNNER UP goes to the weepiest, most angry and truculent, least productive Speaker of the House in our nation’s history, JOHN BOEHNER. Santa is most disapproving of the way Boner has repeatedly tabled good bills and continually deferred to the wishes of his unruly, government-hating Tea Party caucus. Not only that, but the crybaby way he has attempted UNSUCCESSFULLY to sue the President has attracted zero attention from usually lawsuit-happy  attorneys! Santa correctly views this, and the way Boner sheds tears at the drop of a hat, as signs of weakness. So, Santa’s gift to Boner this year will be a coarse-grained sandpaper handkerchief. Maybe after the Speaker tries to dab up the tears a few times with this special hanky, he’ll learn to stop being such a wimp!

FOURTH PLACE goes to the constipated turkey who will soon become the next Senate Majority Leader – MITCH McCONNELL. NOBODY likes this guy: Kentucky voters are wildly UNenthusiastic about him; he doesn’t appeal to a significant number of his Senate colleagues; a good portion of his Republican caucus doesn’t care for him; and Santa’s guess is that his own mother didn’t like him too much, either! This bozo has deliberately obstructed way too much legislation over the past 6 years, and has definitely NOT earned his fat Senate paychecks! It seems that the only people who like this guy are wealthy Wall Street bankers, and Santa doesn’t have too much time for them, either! Santa has decided to give this unfortunate goofball two solid years of presidential vetoes for any pro-wealthy legislation McConnell will try to push – and it will serve him right. 

THIRD PLACE goes to Iowa’s new Senator-elect JONI ERNST. Santa suspected he had a high-ranking Bozo in his midst when he first heard her nauseating, guffawing laugh, but knew he had a real Bozo on his hands when he heard this crazed bimbo Teabagger boasting about how she used to castrate pigs in her early years. This seemed wackier than anything even Michele Bachmann had ever said, so Santa will be leaving this new Senator-elect a heaping platter of pickled pig’s balls on her dinner table to help her commemorate what she must view as “the good old days.”.(Naturally, he is hoping none of it gets stuck between her teeth). God help Iowa, and God help the U.S. Senate!

SECOND PLACE goes to the Grand Jury who failed to even indict the cop who, in New York City last July,  choked Eric Garner to death for allegedly selling single cigarettes without a license. For a time, Santa  had considered both the prosecutors for this case as well as for the case of Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO. for this year’s award, but when he saw the video footage of Garner’s strangling, heard the victim yell “I can’t breathe!” ELEVEN times in rapid succession, and saw how this video completely contradicted the murdering cop’s account of what had happened,  Santa was certain that the real Bozo candidates were the deaf and blind morons  who were sitting on the Grand Jury. Santa will give each of these jurors a free trip to an audiologist, plus three blind mice to chase all throughout their hp,es. As for the negligent prosecutors,  Santa won’t even give these corrupt and ignorant fools the time of day!                                        

That leaves only our Grand Prize winner for Santa’s Bozo of the Year for 2014, and now, as drums start rolling, that moron is:

 

.

.

,

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

.

.

.

.

For the very first time ever, this award is TIED! No matter how hard he tried, Santa simply couldn’t differentiate between these two entrants, so he proclaimed BOTH of them to be this year’s grand prize winner~! The first of these equals was…

ROBERT JAMES O’NEILL, the self-proclaimed killer of Osama bin Laden.  Santa was taken quite aback by this ex-Navy SEAL’s self-centeredness and juvenile need for attention. He was quite provoked by O’Neill’s immature and brazen “Look, Ma – no hands!”  attitude and boastfulness about taking the life of another human being, even one so vile and deserving as bin Laden was.  Such glib callousness does not sit very well with Santa, so once he heard O’Neill shooting his mouth off, Santa knew right then that this guy is a REAL Bozo, and was the biggest co-Bozo in this year’s bunch of very sorry prospects.  

The OTHER co-Boo was PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA. Santa was utterly dismayed to learn that the President had colluded with John Boehner and the crooked Wall Street banking crowd against his very loyal former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, to pass a very smelly Republican budget. By abandoning the progressive wing of his own Democratic Party to basically kill Dodd-Frank and resume derivative trading, the President proved that he is really the Capitulater In Chief and has no backbone whatsoever. Santa will be holding his nose thos year as he attempts to give the President a spine transplant for Christmas, and he is sure hoping the P{resident’s body won’t reject the transplant!! So there you have it, folks…

A very merry and blessed Christmas and holiday season to all of you, dear readers! I’ll be back before the dawn of 2015 with my annual post of “Year End Musings.” Be safe, well, and joyous! 🙂                         

About jackjodell53

I am an American Dissident trapped in a country where poor and middle class people are constantly being exploited and lied to by a very rigid and conservative plutocratic elite. I believe in government OF, FOR, and BY the people, not one controlled as it now is by corporations and special interests.
This entry was posted in Bozo of the Year, Democratic Party, libertarians, Osama bin Laden, Tea Party-infested reactionary Republican Party and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s